Harry & Ron
by IllI
Summary: Yes, Harry and Ron, slash that is! Rewritten first chap, Reposted lost my reviews :( Hopefully this time it will go better. Not only romance, there is that battle to prepare for, friends to face and matters to be dealt with...
1. Summer At Pivet Drive

Harry & Ron

By IllI

Disclaimer: I do not own or wish to earn money on this, I merely play around with my imagination and words.

Warnings: This will be slash, but hopefully much more than that. As for now I am set for Harry/Ron, but this may change as it progresses. Oh and as you've probably figured out by now: I am not English, nor am I a English student so please either ignore all the spelling and grammar or become my beta, I badly need one.

*********Chapter 1: Summer at Pivet Drive*********

Indeed it would seem that the words spoken by Mad-Eye and the other's to the Dursleys at the departure from King's Cross had made quite an impression on them. The journey home went in absolute silence, apart from Dudley whining at one time about the lack of food in the car. Vernon gave him a frosty look in the back mirror and Dudley for once became silent. This was a silence that stretched and remained there for the rest of the weekend. It was as they thought (and perhaps rightly so) that Harry might take offence if they even spoke a word and write his horrible 'friends' who would undoubtedly pay the Dursleys a visit and perform unspeakable things. 

The silence was broken only on Sunday evening when Harry, who'd come down the stairs to make some tea, almost tripped over Vernon who had been standing in the hall, apparently not sure whether he would climb the stairs or not.

'Write them. Now!' Vernon pushed a pen and paper in the somewhat confused dark haired youth's hands.

The startled look Harry gave him made Vernon fluster in despair.

'Your 'friends'!', he exclaimed. 

'I DO NOT WISH ANY UNEXPECTED GUESTS IN MY HOUSE!!!' he bellowed when Harry stood and stared at him in disbelief. As it dawned on him he had to try hard to suppress a smile, they really WERE scared!

Slightly amused Harry watched, as it became the new weekly routine. Every Tuesday, Friday and Sunday there was a blank paper and a pen waiting for him at his place by the kitchen table. Those days were especially tense until when Harry finally attached the note to Hedwig and opened the window for her. Then it seemed as if the whole house released a long held breath. Apart from those moments the silent treatment continued, but Harry didn't mind much. Compared to previous summers this was a vast improvement, and besides that it wasn't as if he was cut of from all human contact. The Dursleys would surely throw a fit if they knew why it seemed that the awful boy were content to never leave his room, just stayed in there completely silent. Or that the whole paper routine was in fact unnecessary. But since they didn't ask, Harry had no intention to tell.

Harry had only been at Pivet Drive four days when his dark thoughts about Sirius and the recent events were disturbed by the picking sounds of one of the large Hogwarts barn owls on his window. He untied the letter and gave the waiting owl a treat, which earned him a glare from Hedwig. She had become increasingly protective of Harry since the beginning of this summer, it was as if she could feel his distress and wanted to make sure nothing upset him, at least within her domain. Harry gave her a smile and a bread crumble, which calmed her enough for him to be able to open the envelope. It was written in Dumbledore's elegant and effortless hand.

_Dear Harry _

_I hope this summer will treat you more gently then this past year has. I know you'll probably feel the outlooks are pretty small, therefore it is a great pleasure to inform you that the Order have been working round the clock with reinforcing the wards around not only yours, but also around your lovely neighbour Mrs Figg's house. For reasons we both are aware of it would be unwise for you to leave Pivet Drive for some time. This, however, does not mean others cannot see you. A safe two-way floo connection has been installed from headquarters to Mrs Figg's. This will give you not only the opportunity to meet regularly with Order members, but if you give your consent also the chance of private tutoring throughout the summer. Alastor, Nymphadora and Remus have all informed me they would hold it a great privilege to assist you in preparing for next years extra curricular activities, if it is your wish to continue with the DA sessions, and the dark times we both sadly know are inevitably upon us. I know you will be pleased to hear that as a result of the exposure of Tom, Arthur has been promoted and his words carry more weight these days and, as our fiery haired friends at the Ministry has reached a truce and have begun to heal their relation, they have both managed to talk Fudge into letting you be excepted from the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery. This is a rare gift Harry that I hope you will treat carefully without abuse._

_(This letter is sent under a non-tracing spell and only readable by you I hope you will use the same precautions if you wish to reply.)_

_-Yours sincerely_

_D._

Great, Harry thought, just the reminder he needed right now. He only had to start preparing to vanquish the darkest wizard of all times. At the same time he was relieved, at least he wouldn't have to face this summer alone, and he could use his wand! If only Sirius... Suddenly the flowing curtains from the still opened window reminded him far too much of the veil his godfather had disappeared behind. With a cry he ripped them down and closed the window, blindly he stumbled to the narrow bed and fell on it sobbing, still clutching the curtains in his hands. Slowly the world disappeared as he fell into a worried sleep.

The first thing on his mind when he woke up was Ron, and Hermione. How could he not have seen this yesterday? This surely meant that he could spend all summer with his best friends since they probably were staying at headquarters as the previous year! Suddenly everything didn't seem so bad. He couldn't wait to congratulate Ron on his father's behalf, and that it seemed they have started to make peace with Percy. Coming down the stairs he even flashed his aunt a smile, something that made her jump back and straight into Dudley who had his head inside the refrigerator. After helping Petunia to bend her jammed precious boy out of the cold and eating breakfast, Harry went up to his room, put on his father's invisibility coat and then sneaked out the backdoor, across the lawn and into Mrs Figg's old house. 

At first he got a little disappointed that it was only Moony who met him inside the door. Then he got really sad when Remus told him that Ron had gone abroad to France with Hermione and her parents. It was as he felt a sting of...jealousy?...well of course, who wouldn't be jealous of a trip to France with your friends when you were stuck here, alone. Remus assured him that as soon as they came back they would go straight to Grimmauld Place.

And that's probably the day before school starts again, Harry thought grimly.

Harry and Remus started to go through the schedule that Dumbledore and Remus thought would be suitable. It turned out that Dumbledore had made Fudge promise to overlook the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery in Harry's case as long as it didn't occur outside Mrs Figg's grounds. And the Order members had assured that teaching him was no bother. Since they had a turn in watching him (baby-sit, Harry thought bitterly) they might as well put the time to use.

First he would have a session with either Tonks in charms, Moony in defence and after some persuasion the basics to become an animagus, or finally Mad-Eye in a strange course that he called 'Preparation' which meant that from the moment Harry entered the house anything could happen. Anything! 

Seriously! Harry sighed as he struggled to reach his wand before the quicksand that had suddenly appeared in the hallway could drag him to the bottom. Sometimes he thought Moody was trying to make sure he'd die _before_ Voldemort could kill him so that the prophecy would not come true. 

By lunchtime the whole procedure with the invisibility cloak was made again, since the Dursley's for some reason seemed to make sure that he didn't starve this summer, it did not come close to what they gave their own Dudleykins, but that was hardly necessary, Harry thought. After lunch he sneaked back to Mrs Figg's to continue his studies.

The first day as he came back from lunch he was greeted by the auror Kingsley who lead him downstairs to the cellar. Harry's worst suspicions came through when he saw the apparatus in front of him, Potions. However since the room lacked a key ingredient, Snape, he decided to give it a go. His impression during last years OWL:s seemed correct, without Snape's sarcastic comments and signature glare Potions was actually a subject that was peaceful and strangely satisfying. Under Kingsley's gentle hand it was as if a new world opened up to Harry, he found that while concentrating on the chopping of strange roots and the different methods of stirring he was able to tune out most of the dark and depressing thoughts that seeped through him these days.

He wished he could see Snape's face if the greasy git ever found out how much Harry enjoyed this. Or Hermione's he thought, or Ron's. Ron! 

Harry felt a sudden tug at his heart, how he missed his friend, if he only could be here too! Then it all actually would seem fun. Blasted France!!!

It dawned on him that Ron was probably the only one except Sirius that made him feel totally relaxed, and safe. He remembered the days after... after it had all happened, how the one he truly wanted to be around was Ron. Ron beating him in chess, Ron arguing with Hermione, Ron snoring... That time when Cho had walked passed him, how he had felt...nothing.

He sighed as he continued to chop the crow feathers needed for the swiftness potion Kingsley wanted him to make. Pretending the feathers were parts of France did seem to help.

Every other afternoon Kingsley was on mission and Harry studied on his own, mostly Transfiguration from a couple of tomes McGonagall had sent him. Finally the days were rounded off by Physical workout. Inside a small cupboard (once again, GREAT! Harry thought ironically) identical to the one in the Dursley's house, Remus had, with the help of some room enlarging spells, put together quite a little gym. There was a workout bicycle, some weight equipment and in the middle a large round space with thin mattresses and mirrors in front. 

'It is of utmost importance that your body is as fit as your mind', Remus told him. 'It all goes together you know. If your body cannot keep up it doesn't matter how vicious your mind is or how powerful your spells are. Why waste energy and time on blocking a spell if you are fast enough to move away from it's path and in the meantime send one off yourself. Yes you are young, much younger then Voldemort, but it needn't be just a downside. Make your youth your strength. You will be able to do feats that rotting old skeleton only could dream of!'

The session always started with a thorough workout of the whole body in the gym part of the room. When they were done and Harry prayed the day was over a muggle woman entered the cupboard. She introduced herself as miss Sakabe, a yoga and martial arts instructor. Remus explained that since the Snape approach on Occlumency seemed to have failed they would try this way to strengthen Harry's mind against Voldemort's influence. It occurred to Harry how ingenious of Moony to once again take strength from something others' wouldn't even consider, to use a muggle art against Voldemort, which would be what anyone least expected. Miss Sakabe led Harry to the round space in the middle.

'Hai, Harri' She greeted 'Begin stand at side, watch in mirror and follow' Harry went to her side and began to follow the movements. She started off slowly with small patterns of movements that became increasingly difficult to follow. 

Harry had never felt so clumsy and uncoordinated in his whole life. Miss Sakabe alternated standing at his side, in front of him and with him correcting every small movement. By the end of the session Harry thought he was a complete failure. His teacher sensing his mood just smiled reassuringly to him.

'Harri-san, we work toward perfection, but not to be perfect today'. Which made Harry feel even more stupid. They finished off by doing some basic yoga and meditation exercises.

'This helps you strengthen mind'. Miss Sakabe pointed at Harry's head. 'Empty all emotion. You will be in the Void'.

Totally spent Harry dragged himself back to the Dursleys' house each evening. This caused some confusion around the dinner table. Neither aunt Petunia or Vernon could understand how a boy who spent every single moment locked up inside his room could become so exhausted. Dudley... Well to be honest, Dudley didn't think much at all.

Between Moody's Preparation classes and Miss Sakabe's Physical and Mind training Harry found that the days flew by really fast. Before he knew it a day had become a week and then a month. As the hard schedule became a habit Harry found that the private lessons kept him at a study rate that was far beyond anything he could have managed at Hogwarts. Not even the weeks before the OWLs had been this taxing. Fortunately he discovered that the more he developed physically and mentally under Miss Sakabe's watchful eye, the more energy and strength he gained to put into the other subjects.

Inside the gym hardly any words were spoken, and the only sounds were of their moving bodies and breathing. This soon became Harry's favourite session, there was a certain joy and satisfaction in making the movements and really work his body to the limit.

On the rare occasions that Miss Sakabe spoke, she mostly talked and explained to Harry about the Void, how to empty himself of all emotion and thoughts, to only be aware of here and now. This was something that first made no sense whatsoever to Harry the first week. But after a while through the motions and concentrating on his he thought he almost could feel what she was speaking about. 

On the third week he found himself flickering in and out of this state, and actually managed to hold it for short periods of time during the meditation afterwards. Miss Sakabe gave him a nod when he told her.

'You learn well Harri-san', she said. And with that he was dismissed for the day.

As Harry laid in his bed that night he decided he would give the old Snape bastard's occlumency another go. He hadn't felt any activity through his scar since the night when Voldemort fled from Dumbledore, but he figured that it was probably only a matter of time, and when it came, he refused to let the same thing happen again.

Though this time he would try combining it with the Void, it was after all almost the same as Snape had instructed him. After reaching it he would put up the shield, the wall so that he would not be defenceless in his sleep. The main difference here was that during the previous year he hadn't been able to empty himself of emotion, not even once, and so the occlumency had never worked.

Concentrating on his breath he went through the relaxation and focusing exercises Miss Sakabe had taught him. Suddenly he was in the Void -in the now, the realization of this almost pushed him out of it, but he firmly gripped the wand at his side, made the gesture and whispered:

´Occlumence'

As the walls to his mind slided up and into place, Harry drifted to sleep. And for the first time in many months there was a smile on his sleeping face

The soon to be sixteen year old boy woke up the next morning with a feeling of complete peace. He slowly stretched out in the bed like a cat, which sent ripples down the recently developed muscles on his thin framed. A sudden thought and he conjured up a huge mirror on the entire length of the wall and took a good look at himself for the first time in two years. There certainly were some changes, and they were not all bad. His face would perhaps never grant him a modelling career, but he had grown away somewhat from the ordinary boy look, his face beginning to loose what little left of baby fat he had ever had and becoming more distinct. He wasn't displeased with the curve of his rather full lips and striking green eyes. And his hair... well, it was still messy, but he had let it grow a bit and now it seemed to... fit. 

'I wonder if Ron like it this way' His thoughts managed to ask him, before he shook himself out of it. 

Looking down his body was also a new sight, still very thin and not too tall, the typical seeker build, but he had filled out somewhat, not as undernourished as he had been before, and further down... Well it did compensate his other length... Remus had mentioned it as a pun earlier that week while walking in on him in the changing room in the cupboard at Mrs. Figgs'. 

'Ah, I see you have inherited the 'Potter Pride'' He chuckled at a furiously blushing Harry. 'Mrs. Figgs asked me to tell you that tea will be served in the living room when you are done'. Harry could hear him laughing all the way out.

He sat down on his bed. Somewhere along the way 'Professor Lupin' had become 'Remus' and after Harry at one time had slipped his tongue and called him 'Moony', Remus had surprisingly embraced him and told him that he had never expected to hear that name ever again and that Harry never should call him anything else in private. It dawned on Harry that he wasn't the only one still grieving Sirius, and here was someone he could talk to about him, who understood. That evening they had a long talk about who Sirius had been and Remus shared some of the more memorable adventures with the Marauders, they always seemed to end the same way, with Sirius doing something incredibly impulsive ending up in disaster. In the middle of one of the laughs Harry had become silent, choking on the fact that it was his fault that Sirius had died, and how he felt he had mistreated Sirius that whole year. He confessed this to Remus who looked him in the eyes and said. 

'Harry, NEVER think that what happened was your fault, although Sirius felt lonely in his house it was partly his own doing, pushing everyone away from him. And you can't blame yourself for him loving you so much that he was willing to sacrifice anything for you. I mean everything Harry. I know that he felt that if he could save you from anything his life was a small price to pay. Do not blame yourself for his actions, he wouldn't want you to. And remember who is the cause that this whole situation appeared at all! Nothing of this would have happened if it wasn't for Voldemort. Blame the right person Harry, blame Voldemort. Merlin knows I do!' He said with a low growl.

After that evening Harry felt that a part of his life had stabilised itself. They had started to spend some time almost every evening just having tea and talking. Moony could never replace Sirius, but he had found someone who would listen and give advice, and that he could talk to about anything, well almost anything. A flash of red hair went swiftly through his mind, that thing had to wait until he knew what he himself felt.

A familiar tapping on the window stirred him from his thoughts.

'Finally' he thought as he opened the window. An exhausted large owl flew inside, dropped two letters sipped a little water from Hedwig's bowl and hurriedly took off again. The two letters were from Ron and Hermione came with a little note that instructed him to not send any replies 'due to the situation', he mentally sighed. Hermione's letter was filled with bursting emotions on how great everything was, except she was really nervous about the OWL results, but the 'Ron thing' was developing nicely. Harry growled at this in an almost Remus-like way.  He had known that Hermione had had a small crush on Ron since last year, but he had thought that it would never become more serious. Her letter crumpled in his hands before he caught himself. Ron's letter was more... He didn't know what to say ...weird?

Hey Mate 

_Things here are ok. Seen all the sights I should, and all those Herm thinks we should too (long days I tell ya). Miss you though, lot's actually. I'm ..*unreadable*.. Oh well nothing, sorry. Anyways, we won't make it to your big day, and can't send any owl's or anything. I really wish I had refused to come along, feels like I'm a rotten friend. It's just stupid, we are betraying you again just like last summer and I hate it! And damn this letter! Merlin! There are so many things I wish I could tell ya, and I can't. I'm not allowed to, and some of the things.. I just can't tell you them by letter. Harry I have figured out some things about myself this summer, mostly thanks to Herm, though she don't know it and I don't know how to tell her that... aaargh, see I can't even write you a stupid letter!_

_I do miss you Harry, and sorry about the B-day, though I already have your present, not sure you like it but anyways._

_Love ya mate_

_Ron_

What was he supposed to make out of this? Are they dating (Merlin forbid!) or not. It seemed like Ron was going slowly insane, but by what Harry had no idea. By the first glance it seemed they were falling in love, each oblivious of the other's feelings, but on the other hand... Ron didn't seem all that happy. 

When Harry got up out of bed a small photograph he hadn't noticed fell out from Hermione's envelope. It was a wizard picture on her and Ron in front of the Eiffel Tower. Hermione was giggling and trying to kiss Ron on the cheek. Ron on the other hand looked as he was in distress and finally managed to run to the edge of the frame and wave at him.

'Hmm', Harry thought. 'Maybe there is hope after all!'


	2. Sudden Realisations

********** Chapter 2: Sudden Realisations ***********

The thing that really got on Ron's nerves was that no one had even bothered to ask him or even tell him about the 'vacation'. As soon as he entered the Burrows his mother took his trunk, spelled all the robes clean and replaced them with a large bundle of assorted muggle clothing.

"There dear", she said with an almost apologetic smile. 

"Now you are packed and ready to go. The Grangers will be here first thing in the morning, and I better tell you right now to mind your language and do try not to get yourself in trouble!"

'Mum! What in Merlin's beard are you talking about? I just got here. The Grangers? Where are we going?' Ron stuttered in frustration, this was SO typical!

"Why, France of course, Paris oh la la. Didn't we tell? Well it is decided now anyway and there is no time to argue, here you have to eat something before you're off to bed." She pressed a spoon in his hand and sat him down at the table.

'Porridge! Mum you got to be kidding me, you never make porridge!' Ron almost felt like crying, what on earth was going on.

"There there, eat up now, and we have to do something with that hair of yours." To Ron's horror he saw his mother's face turn for an instant into a somewhat calculating expression.

"You know you'll want the Grangers to get a lasting good impression of their coming to be son-in-law."

Ron's mouth just opened, and closed. Then opened again.

'Mum, I'm not going to marry Herm after we graduate. I'm sorry, but we won't ', he said for the first time really taking it into serious consideration and at moment he spoke it just... He just _kne_w that...

"Of course you aren't dear", Molly said with a knowing smile.

'Mum, I'm serious, I don't fancy Hermione that way. I mean she's one of my best friends for sure, but that's it. A friend.'

His mum sat down facing him at the table. A moment passed while she gathered herself.

"I'm sorry Ron. I really hoped that you two had something special going on, I guess I just worry sometimes that you feel lonely and... I mean all your brothers had some girl they dated when they were your age, why even Percy was seeing that seventh year Ravenclaw. It's not as if there's something wrong with you, all limbs in place and all, and you got the looks too, Merlin knows where they come from, it certainly isn't from me. And you never _tell_ me Ron Weasley. When you were younger you could tell me everything, and I never needed to worry, but lately you have been all clammed up and I don't know what to think..." She trailed of and sighed.

'Well, mum' Ron said in a low voice, his face as red as his hair.

'Maybe, maybe I just don't like girls that way', he blurted out.

Silence 

"I'm going to put on some tea for your father, he'll be coming home from work soon" Ron's mother stood up from the table and started scrambling with the tea pot.

"And if you are finished with your plate just leave it there, you're off to an early start tomorrow so you better get some sleep while you can.

Ron nodded and with a "Night Mum" he disappeared quickly up the stairs.

Molly Weasley stood leaning at the sink, water still running. Her hands dropped the pot and held herself tight. Water running from the tap, tears running from her eyes. She cried that night for Ron. Not for _who_ he was, but for what he would face. _All a parent wants is for their children's' lives to be as easy as it can be. I only hope I've raised him to be strong and that he is prepared. Society hates it when you break their 'rules' and conformity. He will get shunned, people will talk and whisper, others will be selected in his stead. He will loose friends, new people he meet will look at him for **what** he is, not **who** he is. All just because of whom he **love**. And kids, he will never have kids. He will never know what it is to watch your own child grow up, he will miss out on life._

A very confused Arthur Weasley found his wife lying crying her heart out on the kitchen floor. _I must have underestimated the pressures on running a house hold,_ he thought to himself.Tomorrow he would see if that house elf that Fudge had offered him still was available, perhaps one of them could relieve Molly of some of her heavier duties.

Upstairs Ron Weasley was lying wide awake in his bed. He was... Figures that his mouth would know what before his mind did. But was he really... that thing? He didn't feel like a sissy at all. He hoped if this was true that he wouldn't be expected to dress up in women's clothing and all that! So how did he know? Well it just felt right, and the other felt wrong. Of course he had stolen glances in the showers at the dorm, but he had seen the others do too, and it was difficult not to when Harry came walking into the stalls with his huge... Ron felt all the blood rushing south at that memory of Harry in the shower, half blind with his glasses off, but those emerald eyes just shining and the water running through his hair and down on his seeker built body.

For the first time Ron let all the pictures and emotions flow through him, unguarded, without blocking them out. First there were only the fantasy images: Sounds from the beds at night, Harry naked, Ron waking up beside him, kissing, all that he wanted to do... Then came the real memories: Harry flying on his broom catching the snitch and flashing a grin at Ron in the stands, them playing chess, joking, eating... All the trivial things, and all the important: Voldemort, Death eaters, Malfoy, dark signs... In every picture in every happy or sad moment that came to him was Harry. That's how he knew. Because of Harry!

He needed to make it real, to hear how it sounded, if this was all something just in his mind. Starting hesitantly his voice grew bearing as he spoke to himself and to the moon.

'M...my name is Ron Weasley and I.. I'm gay and I'm in love with Harry Potter.'

And it was all good.

The next morning Ron woke from his green-eyed dreams to the gentle stirrings from his mother.

"Ron dear, it is time to wake up, the Grangers will be here any moment now, and I have to find that Port Pass Dumbledore sent you so you can travel through the border, I don't know how it is activated, but Dumbledore assured me that Hermione would know."

'Mmm, uh, Mum, about yesterday...'

"Ron everything is alright, I love you, you are my son, nothing is going to change that." She clutched him hard to herself, which Ron supposed was some kind of hug although it didn't leave much room for him to breath.

"I'm so relieved that you started to talk to me, you know really talk to me, and your father..." She clasped her mouth

'Mum! You didn't!'

"Well of course I did, you can't keep this a secret from those you love! How are we supposed to support you and love you if we don't know you. He has to know Ron, and he is taking it well. He actually asked if there was someone special in your life that you would like to tell us about, is there?"

'Mum I'm not going to tell you another word!'

"You better start getting used to it Ron, and start thinking about how and when you are going to tell your brothers and sister, they also deserve to know!"

Ron threw the blanket over himself and moaned in his pillow. Not Fred and George! He would never hear the end of this!


End file.
